"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."
— C.G. Jung

Knowing your strengths gives you a foundation to be confident. Introverts are generally deep thinkers out of which their creativity blooms. We listen well. This one trait can help us solve problems more easily and, it's something that many people crave.

"The more of me I be, the clearer I can see."
— Rachel Andrews

Having some coping strategies can help you live and work in a mostly extroverted world. Something that's often overlooked is that our world is more extroverted: lots of talking, action and people! But if you can use your strengths to create your personal coping plan you will find you will feel more in control. Energy boosters either as rituals or a top-of-mind tactic will restore your natural energy. For example, on the physical level, you could take a short walk away from where all the action is. To regain your emotional energy you could find an area that you can break to on your own. Mentally you could exercise your mind and work on a crossword puzzle for a few minutes. Spiritually, I love the HeartMath techniques that include putting your hand over your hear and then calling up a memory that makes you smile. What can you create that will help you be more of the real you?

“The commonsense rules of the ‘real world’ are a fragile collection of socially reinforced illusions.” – Tim Ferriss

A few years ago during my speaking engagements I would give away The Introvert's Declaration. It was a laminated, picture of a scroll, with statements about what an introvert really is about. It's a collection of the top illusions that people who don't understand us might think. Because you too may be under the illusion, each illusion is followed by the real truth:

When you think that I must be shy or unknowledgeable because of not speaking immediately in meetings, remember… I usually think before I respond or speak.

When it seems like I’m not excited about brainstorming or bouncing ideas around, remember… I prefer to use analysis and thinking to come up with solutions.

If you think I am unfriendly or quiet… I listen to fully understand, and then speak to be understood.

If I appear uneasy meeting new people, and making friends… With planning and preparation I am self-confident in front of an audience.

You may notice, I prefer to work on my own rather than in a group… I work well with others, especially one-to-one relationships.

If you don’t find me socializing during networking or social events… I prefer in-depth conversation and find little value in chitchat.

When you think I’m dragging at social events… I need time alone to reenergize and recharge.

If you think I come across intense… I’m probably using my strong ability to focus and concentrate.

If you see me as a loner or territorial… Time and space to myself is energizing.

If you think I don’t like people… I am self-reflective, even around others.

If you find that I appear uncomfortable with change… I prefer a thoughtful, creative approach to changes.

Our real world has many stereotype beliefs about the introvert. Once you understand them and let them go you are free to thrive. If you would like a pdf copy of The Introvert's Declaration would you email me for your own printing and laminating? pweber@prostrategies.com

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” – Katharine Hepburn

What are the rules anyway? Who made them? Why don't we just make up our own rules?

The real rule is – there are no rules until you make them up. What would you do if you wanted to be happy? Likely there are some things that you like in solitude and quiet. But also likely is that you enjoy connecting with people for dinner or a small party or any number of activities that you would think are reserved for the more extroverted. In The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning by Gretchen Rubin, the author cites some research to support this. Research shows that we all, introvert and extrovert, feel happier when we act in an outgoing, talkative, adventurous or assertive way. Talking a walk with a friend, getting together for coffee or tea, or whatever way you enjoy connecting with people who you like are fun.

The assertiveness? That comes in part from you asserting yourself as the person who you are instead of apologizing for who you are not. Become clear on what your strengths are. Create some coping strategies that you can use at a moment's need. Let go of the myths, the illusions – you know what the truth is. Do these things and you will have fun and thrive.

Frustrated Introverts Breakthrough Plan to Thriving On Your Terms is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

I think a lack of self-confidence can lead to less inner peace. As introverts this inner peace is vital to who we are. If we disconnect with it it’s like pulling the plug of a lamp out of an electrical socket. I’m going to be quoting myself here (LOL) from my 5 part online ecourse for Building Self-Confidence for Women where some of the ideas are timeless.

Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself. When it's positive you can associate it with a feeling of pride. It is how YOU perceive you.

Self-confidence is a belief in yourself and abilities. You can have no, low and over self-confidence. You can even have different levels of self-confidence in different areas of your life.

People with a positive self-confidence both feel good about themselves and know they can take on any task with experience, resources and training. Chris Belding, a co-leader for a series of programs at the Women's Resource Center says, "A woman who is self-confident, who knows herself and feels positive about who she is, has a greater chance of improving her career and employment situation. She is more likely to take the risks necessary to grow personally and professionally."

We all make mistakes. We all have failures. What's different between those who have self confidence and those who suffer with either no or low self-confidence is how they recover from these setbacks. One of the behaviors you may find keeping you stuck in feeling low or no confidence is engaging in negative self-talk.

Use your self-talk to boost your confidence.
How do you become aware of the type of self-talk you have? There are actually two parts to a method to make the process work for you. First, perhaps when under stress, notice how you feel. Are you embarrassed? Are you fearful? Do you feel unworthy? What you want to notice first by paying attention to your feelings is what the feeling is. Usually we will have any negative feelings show up in the same place of our body so this first part will help make your observation skills sharper and quicker.

Next, observe your thoughts about the situation for a short time. Just what IS going through your head? Just let the thoughts run their course. You will not know what you are saying to yourself normally unless you catch yourself in your thinking. Examples of common negative thoughts are:
--- self criticism: "Gosh that was stupid of me. ..." "I don't need to talk much, no one is going to listen to me."
--- focusing on poor performance: "I can't believe I didn't do that right ..."
--- worries about your appearance: "I wonder if they noticed that my shoes are scuffed. ..."
--- feelings of not being enough: "I just can't seem to get it right." "I know they asked me but who cares about what I have to say."

Make a written note of the negative thought, and then let your mind run on with it. Take as long as you can in letting the negativity out.

Self-talk awareness is a key step to be able to substitute more positive self-talk. Letting our mind run it out is as effective as letting an upset customer spout off about their dissatisfaction. You'll feel better and fulfilled. Write this self-talk down if you want to examine any patterns.

Do you exercise? The American Heart Association states "in addition to the physical benefits of exercise, both short-term exercise and long-term aerobic exercise training are associated with improvements in various indexes of psychological functioning." Besides lowering medical risk factors like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and other indicators, exercise improves self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don’t exercise, begin at the beginning: with your regular routine: park as far as you can when you travel to your office or to the mall; take the stairs instead of the elevator; once a week or even once a month, walk instead of eating lunch. At the end of the day these extra paces add up.

Finally for now, change some of those limiting beliefs you might have and instead, be free to grow in newly installed beliefs. Write out the more positive statements of any of the negative ones you notice.

You may think of others from the negative expressions above. Try writing them down to get them deeper into the recesses of your memory. And be patient with these changes. You didn't lose self-confidence overnight and it will not be overnight that you will be more self-confident.

When you have your self-confidence going in a positive direction you will find that inner peace and it will help you in your interactions with others.

How do you give your confidence a boost?

Give Yourself a Confidence Boost for Your Inner Peace is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Let’s start with the self-confidence. Many of us want to be more confident. In the long term, self-confidence is built by our experiences. It means believing in ourselves and our choices. It means taking those risks.

It also means recognizing and appreciating our accomplishments and relationships.

What area of life do you have the MOST self-confidence? You want to borrow from those feelings anytime you waver in communicating with others to create sales. Let's start with setting yourself a goal that you can achieve the next time you are out feeling less than confident as you are in another area, for example as a wife, or mother.

Have the goal for that area where you lack the confidence be rather short term and related to a task – for example, “l love and am able to attend one networking event this week and stay for one hour.” As you say this goal and affirmation to yourself VISUALIZE yourself in that area of your life where you already have that confidence.

In the short term, there are steps and little things that give us a confidence boost every day. There are little things that we can do and celebrate in everyday. Find ways that you are willing to do this. Recently I started just to Focus Five my top priorities. I learned this in a Business Master Mind group I am active in. Talk about a daily self-confidence boost! Do you think you can get just 5 things done a day?

Until you make a firm decision to leave your part time job and start your business you will be at a standstill. So, start at where you are – boost your self-confidence to be able to take whatever that next step for you is. Then, as your begin feeling that growing confidence – say at one networking event, or in one conversation about your home based business, or any small activity to get your business going – then, set another goal and another. Until you get to – I’m ready.

Self-confidence is an energy booster. But even with that, with the exhaustion you are experiencing you may need the introvert's energy plan. A few tips with a rounded approach will take your newly found self-confidence an boost it:

• Physically consider:  Taking short power nap or awaken your body with a stretch: it’s also a mental energy booster.
• Emotionally: Break at least every 90 minutes and experiment with different oil scents. Orange, pine, peppermint, and rose are uplifting.
• Mentally:  Work on a crossword puzzle for a few minutes and in all things, learn to pace yourself.
• Spiritually: With your hand over your heart, think of a memory that makes you smile. Listen to music that is uplifting to you. Schedule about a 10 minute break of uninterrupted time.

What are some little ways you give your self-confidence a boost on a daily basis?

Self-Confidence is All Around You is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Seriously… Does anyone love your company as much as you do? Will anyone market your business with the level of passion and intensity that you will? No!

When we’re passionate about something, we share it with others. Why should marketing your business be any different? Sure, we all suffer from insecurity from time to time, but when you’re in business for yourself, there’s simply no room for insecurity! These are my secrets for overcoming insecurity and being the best spokesperson possible for your business:

1. Study! As an introvert, you know how important research is. Use that to your advantage! Learn everything that you possibly can about your industry and common business practices. Visit the library and bookstores. Subscribe to industry publications, both hard copy and electronic. Invest time in webinars and tele-classes that teach the latest trends and techniques. The more you know, the easier it will be for you to discuss both the broad scope of your industry and the specifics of your company. 

2. Create! You are by nature, a creator. Nothing stimulates positive energy flow like creativity. This creativity may revolve around a new product or marketing strategy, or perhaps it’s totally unrelated to your professional life. Indulge yourself in creative acts – writing, painting, gardening, etc. As creativity increases your positive energy, your self-confidence will increase exponentially.

3. Rest & Renew! Make this your new mantra, and here’s why: the affects of stress and fatigue creep up on us without our realization. Think about it. When you’re tired, most every task seems insurmountable. Such is the case when stress and fatigue affect your self-confidence and your marketing capabilities. Regardless of the length of your To Do List or your pending schedule commitments, take time each day to step away from your business. Allow your body and your mind to rest… to renew.

You started your business so you could do the work you love. Your enthusiasm for what you do enables you to promote your company with intensity and joy. Incorporate my 3 easy steps into your daily routine and watch your marketing prowess soar!

Dale Little
Speaker | Business Strategist | Consultant

Dale Little’s straightforward, actionable strategies for small business success provide audiences and clients with cost-effective plans that generate bigger profits. Since 2007, Dale has worked with countless business owners and entrepreneurs throughout the United States developing plans and programs for marketing, communication, customer service, image and branding, profitability, and employee motivation. Through her website, blog, Facebook company page, and BlogTalkRadio show, Dale provides audiences and clients with “Business Strategies that Work!” Dale’s speaking style is interactive and audiences remain engaged as she shares techniques and strategies that can be utilized in any business immediately. www.DaleLittle.com

What do you think? Can you study, create, rest and renew?

No One Will Promote You Better Than YOU Will! is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Richard Bach, American writer and author of 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull', says this about soul mates, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be."

First observation: The first thing that jumps out for me is that locks have a particular form to them. Imagine putting the wrong key in a lock going to the front door of your home? You wouldn't get in would you? The older I get the more I realize life is about being who we are and not pretending. In particular, as an introvert, if you get caught up in trying to be someone you are not, like someone more extroverted, it won't "fit your lock." You, are your own best key.

Second observation: Then there is the issue of feeling safe. The safety blanket for me is a feeling of comfort, belonging and familiarity. Knowing that someone knows a bit about what makes you tick can be an immediate sense of connectedness without saying anything. And often times as an introvert I haven't felt compelled to speak up because the overriding feeling of safety in being understood. It's like when you are with family, as dysfunctional as one might be. Because we commune with family regularly it has a feeling of safety no matter where a conversation might meander off. Whether it's a family blanket or an introvert blanket, I love feeling safe.

Third observation: But most important in Bach's statement is that our truest selves step out. I'm not quite sure that this ever ends. I have personal memories when I tried to blend in with extroverting events. Corporate wife event where there was a good deal of chit chat that didn't make it to far on my scale of meaningful conversation. The truth is, I was afraid as hell to just be me. That would have meant thinking before I added to the conversation or even saying good-bye before the conversation was over. It was pretense. Not only did the other corporate wives wonder about this "strange woman" but my authenticity was stifled leading to nothing good.

It's because of knowing the introvert so well from my soul that I consider an introvert to be my soul mate.

What about you? How to you think of the term soul mate?

Are You an Introvert Soul Mate? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

I tend to be a Go-Giver. Online and in person I have this paper for no charge, this complimentary report and this free eBook excerpt. The role is to lead to inspire introverts who want to be more successful and happier in their life. Free makes for good marketing, good sense and helps people all at the same time. Do you get the idea? I've been this way since I started in sales many, many, many years ago. If there was something that would help a potential customer experience the value of a product or service, and marketing hadn't thought about making it a gift in some way, then it was natural for me to suggest it. When I later was promoted to a sales manager, I tried my darndest to stay with that philosophy.

Online things are the same for the giver but a bit different on the takers side and this specific behavior really burns me up ---

Someone signs up for a free report. Some offers require an opt-in to comply with spam law, others might not because of being launched before such a law. Then the person opts-in. Then no less than 60 seconds behind that, the same someone - opts-out.

Here's what plays around in my introvert mind which has now reached the boil-over point:

1- Does anyone really believe they can solve their situation with a one-page pdf file?
2- Could they have really read that 32-page eBook excerpt in less than 60 seconds even if they took a speed-reading course?
3- If someone is interested enough to get a 9 page report, then why not read it first to decide the value of what is just preliminary information?
4- Knowing you have the right to opt-out at anytime, and giving the paper or report a thumbs up once you have read it, why not stay around to see what else promises to lie ahead?
5- Is someone subscribed to so many lists that while they find the information might be valuable they don't want really want to go deeper to get to the nitty gritty?
6-Did the person really read it, and then decide they didn't find it valuable? (I'd like to know this!)
7-Why do people do this?

"You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey." - Abraham

The action of request, opt-in and immediately opt-out speaks to an unhappy journey. And no doubt if the journey is in and out, it seems the ending would be unfulfilling as well. Is this kind of action one of distrust? Is it something else? Who knows except the taker.

I get upset with things like this, let them percolate, express it and then move on. What's the real point in not expressing it? I'm on a mission and something is getting in my way. Would an extrovert take the risk of expressing this? Maybe; extroverts are sometimes quicker to let things like this go. For me, it's actually more of sadness for the taker. I suppose that is why sales rejection (another topic) may not be so awful for me.

Sometimes as an introvert I might hold this kind of frustration in a bit longer than is really healthy. And that gives the American Psychiatric Association fuel for labeling, introversion as a mental disorder! (I'm laughing aloud about this weeks later!) Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

What do you think is the motive of someone behaving as I describe?

How do you respond when you are the giver and in a scenario like this?

When a taker takes all how will an introvert and extrovert respond? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Pig-Pen gets dirty just walking in a snowstorm. The dust clouds stay with him for all but a few of the briefest of periods. If you are under an illusion that you are shy, aloof or even anti-social, then you are walking around in a snowstorm, which keeps you from being all that you are. The dust cloud around you distorts your vision, both of yourself and others, and it needn’t be that way.

Even in a Halloween costume, everyone knows he's Pig-Pen, since under it is a cloud of dust. What’s the point in pretending we want to be the life of the party? That puts undue stress on us and in the end serves no one well. You don’t need the Halloween costume. Like introverts trying to act like extroverts, it does us little good personally when we try to be like extroverts. We can absolutely learn the social skills we need and want to learn. Let’s just honor ourselves by doing what we need to so we feel and act our best.

He doesn't try to explain it, hide it, or fight it. Pig-Pen is mostly right: stop hiding and stop fighting. As introverts it is however sometimes worthwhile to explain ourselves to others. If they try to coax our shyness out of us, let’s explain to them, it’s not a shy issue. If they ask us why we are so quiet, let’s tell them we’re thinking. Decide where the line is for you – to fight it or explain it. Use your strength to get quiet inside and then take action.

On rare occasions, like once to impress a maybe heartthrob Violet, Pig-Pen showed up clean but unrecognizable. Being awarded twice, a Networker of the Year award by a local women’s organization, it’s likely someone might draw the conclusion that - I go and yap, yap, yap about myself, collecting as many business cards as people once collected baseball cards, attend a networking event every night, and more. I’m not out to impress anyone in this way. Besides, whom does that impress? What keeps me recognizable is – an other focus. How can I connect others to whom they want to meet or plan to arrive early and leave early. Oh yeah, I’m recognizable, in my introvert way.

Let’s stop walking around in a cloudy dust of misinterpretations about ourselves. We have many strengths those clouds are hiding. As Pig-Pen might say, “I have affixed to me the dust and dirt of countless ages...who am I to disturb history?” Let’s make some history introverts.

What are your clouds of dust? How are you handling them?

An Introvert Lesson from Charlie Brown’s Friend Pig-Pen is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

A 10 year old boy decided to study Judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
 
The boy began his lessons with an old Japanese Judo Master. As the boy was doing well in his lessons, he could not understand why after three months of training and his master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei," the boy finally asked. "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
 
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know." the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
 
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.  Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be over matched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
 
"No." the sensei insisted. "Let him continue."
 
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him down. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of Judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grip your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

As Ranjini wraps up his encouragement what rang so true for introverts is "Just when you are thinking that something may be your weakness, think twice." How often do we hear things about ourselves that we are anti-social, aloof, too intense, what ever it might be? How often might we say to ourselves, "If I could only network like an extrovert," "I would love to be more of a social butterfly," or something else. We want to have faith that there are times when what may be perceived as a weakness may end up being a strength that could be - a helpful move in any particular situation. We likely could benefit at times from learning more extroverting skills although it's also likely we are also underusing some of our own moves.

What do you think?

Introvert Tip – How Just One Judo Move Can Make a Champion is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

And what if you compare yourself to someone and come up better? At first blush, in particular following House's lead, it appears to be a confidence boost. But thank God there's a voice of reason from good friend and confidant Dr. James Wilson, (Robert Sean Leonard): "They could build monuments to your self-centeredness." I know from personal experience while there is that fleeting moment of a confidence boost when we come up better, it's not worth an over-inflated ego.

Could you compare yourself to something where it would help you? "Pretty much all the drugs I prescribe are addictive and dangerous." I suppose if you want to make any comparison, compare your thoughts to get them better and more positive everyday. As I write this, our world is pivoted on an economic downturn. If you keep thinking: "the real estate market is terrible," "the stock market is down," "the congress is made up of thieves," and any number of energy drainers, then you are not at all helping your business results. Those negative thoughts are dangerous. Nothing positive can ever come from thinking negative - unless, as you think negative, you catch yourself and then compare those thoughts to thinking positive.

If you must compare yourself to something, then compare your thoughts to the feelings you have, day by day.

If you feel bad, you won't get the sales results you want. If you feel good, you attract better sales results as long as you take the needed sales actions. How do your thoughts today compare to the thoughts you had yesterday? Then get them going in a positive direction.

And besides, as another House-ism says, "Might as well find something to smile about."

What do you think? Is there anything worth comparing yourself to?

Sales Training – Top 3 Questions To Decide to Compare or Not to Compare? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Talk it through in your own head. It’s common that we keep feelings of doubt or low confidence to ourselves. We can put up a steely front to avoid any shallow discussion that won’t help anyway. When you find some kind of doubt moving through your head, tell yourself what you know to be true about your confidence: it’s strong in some areas and lower in others. That is the truth. Now find out how you can borrow from the strong areas into the weaker.

Make demands on yourself. When you down yourself with self-talk, avoid making it a form of negative demands on yourself. Demands to be perfect or better. You already feel bad so making demands of perfect, a giant leap in the other direction, will pull your energy down. Find a way you can demand of yourself, a next step.

Drop the labels. My friend and Procrastivity expert, Kerul Kassel, says we hurt ourselves with labels. Take procrastination with prospect follow-up. Instead of labeling it as bad, ask yourself if there is any good that can come if you put it off for a day? It may occur to you that you did not remember that Tuesdays were stated specifically as bad days by your prospect. Stupid of me. Or you may realize there was one important question to get the answer to that still is unanswered. Silly of me. Drop these labels. You are you and there's likely either a reason you did what you did, you didn't know any better, it just happened, but you are none of the labels.

Don’t put your head in the sand that you have some limiting beliefs. Everyone has limiting beliefs. But they can be overcome and replaced with more respectful and uplifting ones. A coach can help get to the root of this quickly. On your own, one of the best things to do is to start with the extreme of the limiting belief, state the total opposite in a positive way and then land on something in between that you can hold on to, believe and act on.

Sales is by far a most unique career. It’s the only career where you get to write the amount of your own paycheck by the effort you put into it. But as relates to those of us who sell, in particular those introverts who sell, with that comes the ultimate responsibility: to maintain your ability to build, not harm, your self-esteem. NOTE: The issue of self-injury is real and you may want to search out the issue in the event someone in your own friend or family circle suffers from it.

Sales Tip – Introverts in Sales Self-Care Tips is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer