Pat Weber » stress

Social Attention Distraction: Introverts Do You Want More or Less Connection?

patweber — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 12:47:53 +0000

Similar to earlier decades discussions about television in general and video games, the new "social attention distraction", SAD conversation, is around online social networking. Thank you Congressman Anthony Weiner for lending to this conversation. WHAT a colossal ---- social attention distraction --- in that spectacle.

Online social networking is like eating potato chips: most people CAN'T eat just one. Some people eat so many that the real nutrition that comes from talking and meeting with people face to face escapes them. But for introverts, at least as I have found, this can be deadly. We can fall victim to --- social attention distraction.
How much is too much?

Do you have a profile on Twitter? FaceBook? LinkedIn? Another of several hundred that you DON'T want to admit to? (I fess up - I just accepted invitations to two more this last month. Yikes! What's an introvert to do?)

The popularity of social networking sites such as FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates.com more than quadrupled from 2005 to 2009. But still … with cell phones, laptops, the Internet, actually only 23% of adults think they personally spend too much time using the Internet, computers and mobile communications devices.

Time on it's own is not the one way, too much or too little. Allow the context of how you spend that time help you decide if it's too much. Yes; you can meet new people, and reconnect with former friends. You can find prospect clients. You can even communicate easily, in a way that gives you time to respond, the introvert's preference. Still, some of the use of it is, too much.
Recently when I was reading my FaceBook newsfeed I noticed one of my connections that had a status update that garnered 20 or more comments.

I thought, "Wow, I wonder what they are talking about?" Usually most newsfeed comments have 3 or 4 comments so this sparked my natural curiosity.

Even though the topic wasn't of great interest, "Go look!" I encouraged myself. I took a peek. It turns out to be – a conversation between just two people making arrangements to meet at a local restaurant!

"Are their telephones working?" I thought. I was amazed. Likely not at all introverts.

Social networking sites were created to make money, not to improve our lives or enable us to live out our possible deep fantasies to be on stage. Most of these websites collect data about their members for the purpose of attracting advertisers. I couldn't help but wonder as I looked at this – now that they have set up their lunch meeting, how many ads will they each see from restaurants? What about coupons? Did anyone else need to be privy to that planning?

I'm most interested to know what your thoughts are about wanting more or less connection.

How much online social networking is too much for you?

How do you know when your connection has crossed over to social online networking addiction, or social attention distraction?

What is the point that you will want more connection with someone and pick up the telephone or Skype?

Social Attention Distraction: Introverts Do You Want More or Less Connection? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

How to Be More Comfortable at Parties as an Introvert

patweber — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:03:02 +0000

As it gets closer to the holiday season, introverts can prepare for the blurring of work and personal life. Party events are going to be more on the calendar; oh joy! Now is the time to begin your strategizing. That first invitation may have already started for you like it has for me! Here are the top actions that work for me.

1. Befriend the host. If you know the host, offer to help as likely you will notice needs through the evening. It might be rearranging a table of hors d'oeuvres or helping to welcome guests. You can find something or ask how you can help. Caution: you may inadvertently gain attention from others who want this closeness to the host. Proceed anyway.

2. Plan your entrance and exit. Arrive early so if you decide to you can leave early. By the time the party is in full gear, the extroverting is in overdrive. Whenever I leave early, it might only be a close friend who notices the exit and it’s a non-event.

3. Attend with someone. Being married is an advantage I love! Even though he’s an extrovert, we set up our agreement of time frames before we leave home, including how he’ll get home if it’s just too much fun for him. But since we also enjoy each others conversation, it keeps me from getting anxious until another friend arrives.

4. Take advantage of listening. You know people love to talk about themselves! Be yourself and use this strength. If the conversation starts breaking down, turning into small talk, then do what will recharge you and – take a break.

5. Scout out quiet places. The favorite break place for an introvert can either be the restroom, garage where usually the beer is or just a quick break outdoors. No reason needs be given to take refuge there to recharge. A simple statement like, “I’ll be right back,” usually suffices.

Introverts have the paradox of being with people to satisfy that holiday spirit and at the same time, preserve their own spirit. The important action is to think about, decide and then plan what to do so you preserve your energy.

What good articles on how an introvert can better manage parties do you find has helpful tips? Can you comment?

What tips do you have to manage the holiday party scene?

How to Be More Comfortable at Parties as an Introvert is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Introvert Tip – Are More Introverts Nearsighted? What Does It Mean?

Pat — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:15:58 +0000

A report and a workshop by Martin Sussman, an internationally known expert in holistic vision care, and founder of the Cambridge Institute for Better Vision, makes a correlation between nearsightedness and introverts. This is the first I heard that nearsightedness to be more prevalent in those more “introverted, shy and lacking confidence.” What does it mean for introverts?

Years ago in reading Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Life, I found it quite revealing the she would identify nearsightedness with a mindset or belief of fear of seeing the future, or seeing outside of yourself. So, she is one of several to make a connection between a vision problem and a belief system. Now, there’s this added dimension of introversion.

Introverts, introspection and sight. Introversion or extroversion is all about the flow of energy. Introverts energy is inward and extroverts energy is outside. By focusing inward nearsighted introverts stay inside, maybe even stuck, rather than taking in more of what’s outside. But if we, introverts, get our energy from outside and want to improve our natural vision, then how do we go outside and then maintain our energy?

Start with beliefs. As Sussman was studying the correlation he asked people in his vision program, could they remember any events happening between the time they had perfect vision and the time it changed? When I thought back, I could remember almost the exact day in my teenage life and the immediate events preceding it. Sussman encourages that it’s as or more important to change the current belief holding the nearsightedness stuck as it is to address the causing event. Knowing the transition event is like that sparkling star across the heavens – or even melting a snowflake. It begins the shift, a shift in sight.

Get a balance between looking and seeing. In my corporate training listening segments, I often say, “Assuming we are healthy people, we can hear, but we don’t always listen.” Dr. Roberto Kaplan makes a similar distinction between looking and seeing. Just as complete listening takes in feelings and facts, seeing takes in the physical and the emotions. If we balance the two styles of sight, we have a conscious seeing. If you wear glasses or contacts, Sussman suggests taking time everyday to go without for a period of time and just see, instead of look.

Two years ago I started a physical program to improve my vision. Sussman’s report has inspired me to get back to see clearly today!. And now, when I get back to the eye muscle exercises, I’ll add some new affirmations and begin to take time to just “see.”

What about you: are you an introvert – with nearsightedness? Are you an extrovert – and how is your vision? Are you as curious about this as I am?

Click Here to take 30 second survey and we will find out!

Introvert Tip – Are More Introverts Nearsighted? What Does It Mean? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Salespeople Can Conquer a Sales Slump Like Getting Out of Quicksand

Pat — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:00:28 +0000

When you’re in quicksand, like a sales slump, if you have a lot of heavy stuff strapped to you, like limiting beliefs, you will not get out. Top salespeople don’t get caught in a sales slump, even in the toughest of times, because they know what to do to steer around a slump.

In the movie, The Replacements, Keanu Reeves plays a quarterback, Shane Falco, hired along with an entire team during a pro football strike. During a locker room scene, the coach asks the players what they fear on the field and Falco answers, quicksand. “You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.” Like a sales slump at times. So what do top salespeople who rarely get caught in a sales slump do differently? It’s like getting out of quicksand:

1- Stop fighting and remain calm. Being frantic is going to pull you further in to the slump. Stop, get quiet and then consider your plan to move forward.
2- Drop everything you are carrying. Stop listening to the negativity in your own talk! Negative thinking and talking is too much baggage to carry. Shift to thoughts and talk about what you want instead: more qualified people to get to know. Then move on to more presentations to qualified buyers. More contracts signed. Introverts, think it through. Do what you do best and plan.
3- Lift up your body and increase the angle of spread by getting on your back or leaning forward. You have to take care of every part of yourself. Yes; you may want to think it through more as an introvert. Just be certain to include, meditation, clearing techniques, possibly getting a coach. Calmly and surely you begin to see success: more appointments, shorter buying cycles, increased self-confidence. As in getting out of quicksand, you bring up one leg at a time slowly; master one tactic at a time in selling. Then as you have all pieces in place, you begin to almost float.
4- Crawl across the sand, slowly the rest of the way. Salespeople who conquer the sales slump attend to every part of the sales process become more finding success once again. It’s a planned and purposeful process.

In spite of what you want to instinctively do, likely hurriedly increase up all sales actions, the central factor in successfully getting out of a sales slump is to go slowly and increase your strategy to master more of you as a whole person.

You can sidestep your sales performance anxieties, overcome your fear of rejection and demolish your devastating doubts to become a top sales pro using the secrets revealed in FREE reports at Sales Training for Sales Reluctance.

Salespeople Can Conquer a Sales Slump Like Getting Out of Quicksand is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Sales Tip – Salespeople “Save My Sales” Universal Distress Signals

Pat — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:10:28 +0000

SOS, also known as Morse code, is a universal distress signal. For salespeople, a “Save Our Ship,” becomes a “Save Our Sales” distress call. Each salesperson likely has their own universal distress call. Here are ideas to save salespeople, introvert and extrovert, suffering from four common sales problems.

1. Cancelled appointments
Are you confirming any appointments you set with prospects? Either the day before or the morning of, telephone or email prospects. If something has come up for the prospect, I reschedule with them right then; they’re already on the telephone. If they just don’t show, that’s an entirely different problem and solution. NOTE: never assume that a no show means not interested. Introverts can make this work to their advantage as it’s another chance to build your connection.

2. Prospects buying from competition
Are you going through all that you know how to do and losing sales to the competition? What about losing to the competition of procrastination? Examine your qualifying process. If you are an introvert this examination process allows you to bring in your natural planning skills. You have a qualifying process, right? At a minimum, early on you want to be certain of four things: you are working with someone with a budget for your product or service; you are talking with all decision makers; the prospect has indicated a need by conveying a problem they want to eliminate or a solution they need, and their timeline fits with your sales process timeline.

3. Not following up because of whatever excuse
I’ve heard most of the excuses: “I don’t have time, I feel like I’m bothering people, I don’t know what to say next, I don’t have enough energy, I’m afraid.” If you have this SOS call, run, don’t walk, and get a sales coach. Selling IS about follow up. And as an introvert this follow-up, it's about deepening that relationship.

4. Poor presentation skills demonstrates lack of confidence
If you are at any business function, or even social for that matter, you want to speak with confidence. Be confident with your elevator pitches. Drop the “ums,” the “ya knows,” and any other puffy fillers that chip away at your image. Why be careful even at social events? It is absolutely true that it is a small world; you are only ever about six people away from who you want to meet. Your ability to speak in a way that people want to listen to will help you meet them.

Selling has a beginning and a continuation. It really never ends. Don’t ignore the SOS coming from your lack of sales results. Instead, when you examine your sales results, get to the problems that are hurting you and then take a different approach to solve them.

Join me on Tuesdays in 2009 for Tuesday Tune-Ups guaranteed to demolish your devastating doubts: Sales Tips for Introverts.

Sales Tip – Salespeople “Save My Sales” Universal Distress Signals is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Salespeople Take Note: Let Me Sell You a Bridge or Sell Ethically!

Pat — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 22:47:40 +0000

In the early 1900s con men would try to sell parts of the Brooklyn Bridge to immigrants in the USA. This is what coined the phrase, “If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you!” Then the Verrazano Narrows bridge, the world's longest suspension bridge formally opened between Brooklyn and Staten Island, New York, in November 1964. Think of this as a chance for a new bridge, one that leads to ethical selling. Would this new bridge serve to avoid any of these early unscrupulous and unethical scammers?

• What does ethics mean to you?

When our actions are congruent with our moral values we behave ethically. Almost every profession has a code of ethics. Become familiar with yours. How often is your behavior in line with this code? That’s a simple test if your profession has a code of ethics. If your profession doesn’t have a code, then ask yourself, when you take action, is the action acceptable and right in regards to all stakeholders – customer, company and self? It seems the early bridge scammers didn’t have a code of ethics.

• Why might good people in a good organization do unethical things?

The image of salespeople, maybe even dating back to before the bridge scammers, is usually filled with less than positive words like – deceiving, pushy, fast talking, exaggerating, and at least a dozen more. For a few years, in teaching an Ethical Leadership program for various organizations, I used the definition of morals as values defined by a higher authority to help an individual decide right versus wrong, good versus bad. Just as with morals and values, you want a higher authority for ethics. If you are in an organization without an ethical code considering referring to the UPSA, United Professional Sales Association, for their Ethical Code of Conduct. In just seven pages long, it has all encompassing principles and guidelines. (At the time this article is published, the link was not working; I'm sorry.)
• Can ethics be as simple as integrity, honesty and responsibility?

Your integrity includes your honesty and moral character. Just like moral concepts vary from one society to another, morals can be different from one profession to another. Values, like honesty and responsibility, are the beliefs or standards that guide our lives in defining importance and worth. Do you present your product and service honestly? Do you act with honesty and in good faith toward all concerned? Would you pass the three questions posed by Nan Demars, You Want Me To Do What? It’s one of several quick ethics tests to refer do when you have doubt or uncertainty about what to do: •Would you want to be treated the same way? •What would my mother say? •How would I feel if this was reported on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper?

The 1970s scammers invaded Florida with swampland scams. It seems the bridge lesson wasn’t learned even with the Verrazano Narrows Bridge. But what about you? What did you learn? What is your responsibility to remain ethical as a seller? “It’s easier to know what is right than to do the right thing.” Can you find an ethical code to guide you to do the right thing?

And sidestep your sales performance anxieties, overcome your fear of rejection and demolish your devastating doubts to become a top sales pro using the secrets revealed in FREE reports at Sales Tips for Introverts.

Salespeople Take Note: Let Me Sell You a Bridge or Sell Ethically! is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

How anyone can find their own empowerment during a time of uncertainty

Pat — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 19:49:46 +0000

On one of my online discussion groups I met, Shabbar Suterwala, a corporate trainer in India. The first question on one of his recent posts, gave me pause to reflect. Being an INTJ, I like to ponder ideas like he asked. What I find is that if I either write out an answer or speak it aloud, it helps me to get out of my head. He even suggested, write out your thoughts. If you want some new insights at this time when there is global uncertainty, find a few minutes and give Shabbar Suterwala's 12 questions a try. Even if only one or two resonate with you, it's likely you will have some new insights. Visit Shabbar Suterwala's blog at: http://shabbarsuterwala.blogspot.com/ 12 Empowering Questions to Ask Yourself Everyday. A thoughtful exercise that will help you break out of some of that negative chatter in your head during these times.

Join me on Mondays for Monday Motivation guaranteed to demolish your devastating doubts: visit http://www.askpatweber.com

How anyone can find their own empowerment during a time of uncertainty is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Top Salespeople Gifts for Managing Chaos

Pat — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:56:00 +0000

You have a sales presentation planned; your laptop dies; you spill coffee on your only presentation copy, and the client moves the appointment time earlier. The Chaos Never Dies holiday is a perfect gift for you, but you need to stop and recognize that chaos is part of life. If your sales aren’t where you want, it could be you’re putting out fires due to disorganization and poor self-mastery. Here are some day extender gift considerations.

1. A daily planner. To plan is one time management activity; to schedule is another. For maximum self-management, use your daily planner to schedule sales calls and sales follow-ups. You know you are good at scheduling sales appointments, but life will be easier if a salesperson schedules when to prospect and when to follow-up.

2. Chunks of time. Stop, drop and roll. Stop all the reacting for a few minutes. Put on hold adding one more thing to your ‘to do’ list until you start scheduling an hour to 90 minutes of focused time, each day to start. Then with this scheduled chunk of time, work until you complete one of your highest priority activities and take no longer than 90 minutes to do this. Then drop the task and take a break. I use my dog to signal me it’s time to break. Once you are refreshed, then drop again for at least one more chunk of time for the day. You will find the chaos starting to roll away.

3. Feng shui your space. Consider cholesterol in your body as a metaphor for your office clutter and disarrangement of furnishings. Hire a feng shui consultant to come in and apply the practice of arranging objects to clear up your stuck energy and get it flowing again. As in caring for your body to lower your cholesterol, with Feng Shui you open your living space (cholesterol,) and energy gets moving again. Add plants or a tabletop fountain to stimulate more vibrant energy instead of chaos in your work environment.

4. Chocolate. Get whatever kind you like! Or at least consider chocolate as a metaphor to stop and celebrate some success along the way to your sales goals. The more you stop to celebrate what you accomplish during the newly found chunks of time, the more chunks of time you will have to celebrate.

As a former housekeeper laughing told me, “Better to have chaos than to have nothing because it would mean you are dead.” Proof yet again that chaos is the norm, and it’s best to find ways to cope with it, minimize the negative feelings, and go more with the flow. Sales includes a range of activities where chaos can strike at anytime. Salespeople who are prepared with some day extender gifts to themselves will fare better.

Join me on Mondays for Monday Motivation guaranteed to demolish your devastating doubts: visit http://www.askpatweber.com

Top Salespeople Gifts for Managing Chaos is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Economy Survival for Introverts and Extroverts

Pat — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:06:59 +0000

When I received her ezine titled, Upheavals and Downheavals: The Search for Dry Land, it set me on fire with the actions I am already taking during this economic crisis talk. Yes certainly, the financial situation appears real, but it is a lot of talk. Too much talk for me. I'm a follower of Shelle Rose Charvet, Certified Speaking Professional, author of

Words That Change Minds

and, a true genius with NLP. You will be inspired by her words, regardless of your introvert or extrovert preference:

Getting Back in the Flow: Anything to do with Introvert or Extrovert?

Pat — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 20:10:55 +0000

It's been about a week now since I took my mom back home. After her open heart surgery at 80, I wanted to be there to help her and my two single parent sisters. So even after a week of being home and getting back to work, why can't I focus on important business tasks?

Does this have anything to do with introversion or extroversion?

My sense is it, since we process stress differently, that an introvert may go to extreme "I" behaviors during difficult times. Since our brains are hardwired to process through a long path of neuron connections, that seems to make sense.

It also may be a gender specific coping with stress. There's actual physical evidence that there is 1 of 3 hormones released during a stressful situation affecting women longer term.

What do you think? I'm interested!

Patricia Weber
The Sales Accelerator Coach for Introverts, Shy and the MOST Reluctant
What is the area of sales of your greatest sales reluctance?
Take this sales survey.

Getting Back in the Flow: Anything to do with Introvert or Extrovert? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer