It seems here in Virginia at least, we went right from Halloween to Christmas! Hooray for Capitalism, right? But what happened to the tradition of giving Thanks? Why is the media and your corner coffee shop seemingly ignoring a day that could be steeped with thankful traditions that might help us out of the mess that so many countries are in now?

I doubt my sickness of how we celebrate Christmas with all the red, green and glitter, is related to my introvert preference. So I had to do a little research about this ignored holiday.

-  Sports – Did you know football at Thanksgiving actually started in high schools? Then it expanded to the NFL, UFL or whatever leagues. It's big games, and bigger audiences.

- Company attention – I noticed in our local Starbucks, they did briefly celebrate it with some window decorations in lovely orange, brown and yellow warm colors. Even some of their drinks had glowing names, like Pumpkin Spice latte. But, I guess they had to quickly give way to the bright and cheery red and green, more lively colors and names – Peppermint Mocha, or Gingerbread Latte. Most department stores went directly from Halloween costumes to cheery tree ornaments.

-  The history channel didn't even have a feature on Thanksgiving that I noticed. Maybe because it wasn't really the pilgrims who originated it? Turns out it was the Native Indians who began a tradition of sharing long before the settlers even go to America. But I still kind of expect the "history channel" to step up the attention on it's traditions and meaning.

-  Eating too much – One of the blogs I subscribe to put things into perspective for me. Enjoy this one time of the year you likely over eat. You probably don't overeat every day. Just one day in the big picture isn't going to cause your jeans to be too tight or for you to tip over on the scales. Just be grateful you can enjoy the bounty and tomorrow, eat right.

- Shopping – Oh this got attention. Black Friday to Cyber Monday. Bah Humbug! I opted out. No shopping for me and not even a special for you. Not because I'm not grateful for you, but because Thanksgiving is NOT about the best deals.

This holiday's main attraction these days is more about eating too much, have-to-watch football, and a start of Christmas shopping madness.

Isn't it really about gratitude? Will we ever stop every once and a while as a country, or a world, to be grateful, to express gratefulness, and to give it attention? Are we dooming Thanksgiving to be ignored by the media for what it might be? Or is it up to us as individuals, on our own, to make it a ritual more for gratitude, reflection and enjoyment of simple things, instead of football and frenzied shopping?

What do you think?

Do you prefer to receive or give for Black Friday or Cyber Monday? Bah Humbug! Time to opt out. is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Getting more organized has been energizing for this introvert! I've always liked the metaphor that clutter is to our lives like cholesterol is to our bodies: it clogs us up! Starting with our kitchen counter tops put my husband in high spirits – he's a neat, obsessive, extrovert, Virgo around clutter. His desktop and drawers are always neat. One week after my cleaning up, he was still checking in on my office and saying how much he likes it. But one month after my initial clutter cleaning, I am still staying organized. Maybe it's here to stay.

Every night before-clutter-clearing, I would leave my office with my desktop looking like the photo here - or worst. And because I have a bookcase, a credenza, a filing cabinet, and two small shelving units and yes, it also meant that every one of those surface tops in my office was in disarray.

Getting organized and leaving some empty space has proved to be quite a positive experience.

Can I offer a few findings that might, as one of my subscribers who emailed me said, give you that kick in the butt for your cleaning? Or maybe even give you a chuckle?

1-    Get rid of anything that you haven’t used in a year, maybe even six months. I don't need to keep overhead transparencies that I stopped using about 10 years ago, and when it's likely overhead projectors aren't even made anymore. NOTE: I subsequently learned it's also a good idea to ask people if they have a need for anything in good shape you are tossing that you believe to be outdated. Some private schools actually do still use overheads and need transparencies.
2-    Use the technology you have. Is there any reason to keep a printed copy of the workshop participant materials when I already have them on my computer? It's useful to scan relevant documents onto your computer – tax forms for example – if you know you do have to save them for a period of time.
3-    If you feel fairly certain you can research and find it online, toss papers that you might be stacking for "read later." For me that cleared up at least one-third of a credenza drawer.
4-    Emotions are cleaner. Yep; I am still getting upset when my husband doesn't listen to me. I really believe this IS a guy/gal phenomena. It's just not as irritating. When vendors don't return calls as quickly as I expect, I'm not getting as upset. And, when things go better, I can feel my better emotions more strongly. That's so much more the place I want to be.
5-    Letting go helps you to trust yourself and others more. In particular I had lots of reports, printed emails, paper work on top of the large, flat surfaces of my desk, credenza and bookcase shelves. I find it quite encouraging and uplifting that when I finally did act to clean up, I just trust that if I need that information again, it will find me. It usually does.

My final step in my plan to clear clutter is to tackle a storage room in our garage. It's become like the often talked about "junk drawer" that some of us have, me included. But fortunately, my husband and I are both in agreement that it can wait: it's organized and there is a good amount of empty space that we are able to walk comfortably in it.

Let me know if you are getting your space more organized, what have been some of your lessons?

Or maybe you are just inspired to do so? After all, look at me now:

clutter free desktop

Introvert lessons from clutter chaos to clutter control is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Ever heard the popular saying, “Be careful what you wish for, or else you just might get it”? The irony of this statement is that while you will receive what you asked for (aka your gift):

Result #1: It will not necessarily be what you bargained for.

What you need to know: You cannot bargain with God, the Universe, or the Divine. What (s)he dishes out to you is food for fodder and follow up. For instance, if you and your spouse want to spend more time with the family and the latter loses his or her job, you will have received what you asked for. However, you may not be fond of how this gift showed up in your life. Similarly, if you will soon be experiencing the empty nest syndrome and the both or just one of you has to temporarily relocate so you can find work, this may be happening to strengthen the respect, gratitude and bond between the two of you. Consequently, your relationship will be called to go through a shift so that it can withstand this inevitable change in life stages. How you manage this change (with a focus on faith or fear) will determine the future direction and quality of your relationship. That is, if your subconscious is filled with fear while your conscious mind is focused on faith, you will experience external conflicts (including chaos and confusion) because you will be internally conflicted. So, it is important that you practice consistently focusing on faith in action, instead of fear in action or faith without action. Got it?

Result #2: You will like parts of what you receive, while you may dislike other aspects.

What you need to know: Whatever is still a duality in your life, you will attract this lack of harmonizing to you. Case in point, if you are an intellect and truly respect that about yourself, the Universe may send you gifts that will help you strengthen the weak link in your Create Prosperity Formula, between Decision and Action. And you will respond to this cue to get out of your head and into your body and trusting your intuition or inspiration in one of two ways: You will make a yes or no decision. Or you will choose to not decide, which is still a decision.

Result #3: You will never feel 100 percent ready or prepared for this gift.

What you need to know: In fact, you may even initially resist the gift. As Nicky VanValkenburgh had mentioned in her article Put your brain's “overactive security guard” to work for you!, “your amydgala is an overactive security guard, always trying to protect you from negative emotions”. It also works hard to maintain your status quo. For example, if you are called to be more real and intimate with your clients, while you may attract an ideal client (= your wish), you will have times where you are challenged (called growth spurts) to be more real and intimate than you have ever been before. If you believe that intimacy is meant to be all neat and tidy and not all emotionally messy, then you may resist this opportunity to grow your intimacy muscle and it will feel painful. Or conversely, you may embrace it and all involved with benefit from it.

So you see, this is how can you become masterful at receiving: Become aware (not ignorant) of what you need to know, starting with the three points above. Then become fully committed to using and sharing with your loved ones and peeps the gifts you ask for and receive.

I could comment beyond saying that this is a powerful message for anyone having difficulty receiving. But I want to give you room to say, what key idea stands out for you? Can you relate to the experiences?

Are you as good at receiving as giving? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

1. For many people the Super Bowl signals the end of a long stretch of winter weather. It’s difficult to pinpoint how long introverts have been in a stretch of - little recognition, often being misjudged and then taken for granted as lesser capable. All of this keeps our strengths often unrecognized in many situations. It is up to us to be aware of and responsible for those strengths and then put them into action.

2. Predictions to win Super Bowl games usually revolve around one quarterback. It was Peyton Manning of the Colts, versus Drew Brees of the Saints. In some analysis this focus forgets the game is a team sport. Introverts can add value in small groups, like small teams. We want to be both aware of and have confidence in applying our innate strengths because performance, whether we are the leader or a team player at any level, affects results.

3. Performing better in the playoffs, didn’t carry the supposed favored team compared to the Saints positive overflowing feelings of success to just get that far. If you have fallen victim to all the negative introvert myths, then you likely aren’t yet playing full out in life. We aren’t shy, anti-social, aloof and or whatever other myths continue. It may be time for our playoffs. If we aren’t playing better, we can’t find the success. This is when we want to acknowledge and use our strengths like contemplation, focus and planning.

4. The Saints team was made up of many players other teams didn’t want. But then second quarter, just as my neighbor was telling me, “They (the Saints) just don’t stand a chance,” the Saints took off. How often as an introvert have you felt left out? Or chose on your own not to follow the group? Regardless of not being always chosen for a project or asked to take the lead, on occasion it may be a mistake for not taking that strength of focus we have and use that to keep us from pulling all strengths we have together and making it count.

5. Metaphorically how does what the saints mean to New Orleans, compare to what introverts may mean to a world in chaotic times? In 2005 New Orleans was almost wiped off the continent. Slowly and purposefully, people rebuilt their football team. This gave the team a chance to be the ones who uplifted the spirit of the city along with the physical rebuilding. Introverts can put to task some of their key strengths like creativity, depth of thinking and integrity to their independent-mindedness. By doing so they can find ways to play a bigger game and be part of the rebuilding of a world is disarray. Think of the positive effect of taking on that role and intention.

The song "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better" is as perfect a song for the 2010 Super Bowl win as it gets. You may even realize how related it is to the life of an introvert in 2010. We are all here for a purpose and part of that is our role as more introverted people. Because in some ways, we can do things better. Then recognizing that, the other tune of this year’s game, “Oh when the saints go marching in,” will take on meaning for us as individuals.

How can you make this year the beginning of your win?

When You Compare The Winning Of Super Bowl XLIV To Introverts What Can Be Any Clearer? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Business networking doesn’t have to give you a gag and puke effect. Recently a new Joint Venture partner, Monique MacKinnon, put my own networking experience to the test with her “white elephant” that is, limiting beliefs test. Then I wanted her to play the game too. After all, she does have business networking experience building a reputation of, a consummate networker. I wanted her to just tell it like it is from her own experience. Do you know this “white elephant” of business networking?

Question: Based on your 5 years’ experience of providing Creativity Coaching and Consulting services and leading business networking events for business owners and professionals, what is the single biggest mistake that networkers make that when shifted could transform their networking experience from unproductive and ‘just another item on one’s marketing To Do List’ to both pleasurable and productive?

Answer: The biggest mistake I’ve seen networkers make is: (1) at one extreme... to expect too much, too soon vis-à-vis results from their networking efforts; and (2) at the other extreme, to not expect anything from the networking. In scenario #1, they immediately turn off their prospects because the energy they exude to their fellow networkers is uncomfortable to them. In scenario #2, the nonchalant networker is perceived as a hobbyist and therefore not fully committed to, and serious about creating win-win networking relationships. When networking, taking the middle road – which lies between the two extremes of being off-putting and commitment-phobic – is the best-case scenario. Arriving feeling fully prepared – mentally, emotionally, and energetically – for example increases networking success! A couple of ways to quickly attract networking success is to get clear on the following before embarking on your networking adventures: (1) “What do I most enjoy about networking?” Whatever your response is (e.g. meeting new people or mastering networking,...), you need to ensure you get into and stay in that space throughout your networking experience; and (3) “What is my intention for this networking event, in other words, what do I want to ask the other networkers that will help advance my business?”; (3) “What are all of the ways I am willing to help other networkers: for example, be a connector, provide helpful resources and/or something else?”

If you are riding this white elephant then it may be time to slow down and regroup. Where are you in the riding circle of expecting too much too soon to not expecting anything from business networking? Stop, reflect and see your position. Now, if you are at either extreme, why not make the shift that will free you from going in circles. Get clear, stay in that space and network with intentional conversations.

This is just tip of the networking iceberg. If you are serious about bringing in more business through networking and/or have a desire to become a more masterful business networker, listen in on a free teleclass by Monique MacKinnon and Pat Weber at Powerful networking for straight shooters who mean and want more business!

Instead of networking with a big white elephant, just register for the free call now.

Networking Self-Doubts: Networking with a Big Elephant is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Her Question #1: Aren't most people networking looking for prospective clients, instead of looking to buy something or a service from you?

My Answer #1: "I don't ride that elephant! Everyone is networking for something: a job, clients, partners, resources. Most people are "looking" but not necessarily at all times for the same thing. At any one time, there could be that "perfect storm"... when all the planets are aligned... when someone is looking for the very thing that you offer. This is why it is so important to have more empowering and better beliefs than people carry with them! How much better would you feel while networking if you looked at how you could help someone instead of looking at how they could help you? It frees you up of that kind of pushy used car salesman mentality. Give yourself a new assignment at the your networking event: Discover what it does for you and the person you're conversing with to make that mental shift."

Her Question #2: Aren't most people too impatient or self-absorbed to even get to the point of eventually helping one another -- when the timing, situation and resource is the "right fit"?'

My Answer #2: "Self-absorbed? Almost everyone is. But here's the rub - if you are more 'other" focused and patient, things will actually move faster. Think about meeting two people at any networking event - in-person or online - let's say Jack and Jill, just for the purpose of comparison. Jack introduces himself and starts talking, more like babbling, about himself, his company, his products, his services, the longevity of his company, and the uniqueness of his offer. Then you meet Jill. Jill introduces herself and starts talking with you: She wants to know about you, asks about what you are networking for, even offers you a lead for something you need, and wants to know about your company. I wonder, who will you want to get to know further through a follow up? I'm betting it's Jill. In order to get what you want for yourself, you want to be more 'other' focused at first. Consider changing the conversation on that first meeting - being more 'other' focused. Then build from there.

And remember, things that open up may not be a direct shot from the people you meet. However, with an 'other' focus and patience, it improves the timing of that special someone for you to help, to actually show up." Stop riding these elephants!

This is just tip of the networking iceberg.

If you are serious about bringing in more business through networking and/or have a desire to become a more masterful business networker, listen in on a free teleclass by Monique MacKinnon and Pat Weber at "Powerful networking for straight shooters who mean and want more business!" Register now and avoid the elephant stampede!

Networking Self-Doubts: Working the Room with the Elephants is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Arts, sciences, mathematics, technology, health - if I bet, I would wager that there are more accomplished introverts than extroverts in these fields. Kari Kenefick actually has statistics about the distribution of introversion and extroversion in some of the general science categories. You guessed it - more introverts than extroverts.

Want names? If you do an internet search on "successful introverts" you'll get names like - Warren Buffet, Condoleeza Rice, Ashley Judd, Steven Spielberg - all introverts. Some of their work requires that that be on the platform, on stage or speaking in public. You can't dispute it; they're accomplished. But the myth tends to be that if someone is on the platform, on stage or speaking in public and then they have to be an extrovert.

There's just no direct correlation.

Here's why I'm really sick of this one:

Because so many people (wrong or right) associate success with public speaking, there's a popular but irritating misconception that introverts must be poor at public speaking because they lack the social skills. The truth is that public speaking uses many of the natural tendencies of introverts already have in place; but that's another myth isn't it?

Do you really think you are not accomplished and that you can blame it on lack of extroverting skills? I hope you will think again because it just isn't so. Check it out yourself with that internet search!

Introvert Tip – Accomplished, Successful You Already ARE! is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

How do you know the difference between shy and introvert?

People who are shy often feel anxious or nervous around other people - it's a reaction to what's going on outside the person who could be either an introvert or extrovert.

People who are more introverted, aren't shy or nervous they just choose when to be around other people and how much. It's because their internal energy setting controls an actual need to be alone.

Listen to Carducci's everyday example of how to know the difference in the video.

Is this helpful in knowing the difference between shy and introvert?

Introvert Myth – Are Only Introverts Shy? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

Since we get energy from internally, we just don't go on and on in conversations, in particular conversations with a good deal of small talk. As an introvert I'm choosy about my friends and tend to gravitate to ones can hang in with a deep intellectual, interesting or even controversial conversation. My energy levels drop if I have to stay too long in chit chat.

The video has a different message explaining how it is that a husband and wife in sales - one the extrovert (my husband), one the introvert (me)- and both seemingly social butterflies in their own way.

Are some introverts anti-social? Maybe; you might call them a loner. But then again, I bet you have also seen anti-social extroverts.

Let's drop the labels. Why do people say introverts are anti-social: because we do social differently. That's really all it is.

What's your experience as an introvert who might have been (or even still is) labeled anti-social?

Introvert Myth – Why Are Introverts Perceived as AntiSocial? is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer

A 10 year old boy decided to study Judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
 
The boy began his lessons with an old Japanese Judo Master. As the boy was doing well in his lessons, he could not understand why after three months of training and his master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei," the boy finally asked. "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
 
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know." the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
 
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.  Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be over matched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
 
"No." the sensei insisted. "Let him continue."
 
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him down. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of Judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grip your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

As Ranjini wraps up his encouragement what rang so true for introverts is "Just when you are thinking that something may be your weakness, think twice." How often do we hear things about ourselves that we are anti-social, aloof, too intense, what ever it might be? How often might we say to ourselves, "If I could only network like an extrovert," "I would love to be more of a social butterfly," or something else. We want to have faith that there are times when what may be perceived as a weakness may end up being a strength that could be - a helpful move in any particular situation. We likely could benefit at times from learning more extroverting skills although it's also likely we are also underusing some of our own moves.

What do you think?

Introvert Tip – How Just One Judo Move Can Make a Champion is a post from: Courage Coach for the Reluctant Marketer